Neko

blah

icon: redlith

 

Sadly the rude coworker/ colleague chronicles continues... Been looking forward to this end of the week entry - had some good stuffs to write about in mind, only to be sullied again by what happened at work yesterday. 

How exactly does neuroplasticity work? How can I perpetually get out of my own head and see the wider picture? I'm generally of a logical than an emotionally driven person but through this experience, I've discovered that I tend to be passive yet have this simmering resentment when one has done me wrong. And I despised being wronged and disrespected publicly and not get an apology (at all, esp. when its not only once or twice). I wonder when this will ever end. 

 

(I'm sorry for making this part vague and brief. Often I feel bad writing about it but at the same time, the very act of writing helps me process my feelings, thoughts and emotions about the matter. So this is for my sanity too).

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On a brighter note, I forgot to mention that my lab results came back last week and all was clear on paper bout me having nephrolithiasis (thank goodness). Interestingly though, my flank discomfort is still present. It is no longer as strong, but dull and about 3/10 pain scale. It has never truly went away since  which still gives me a gnawing feeling of concern. I'm trying to maintain a regular water intake habit and crossing my fingers that this is nothing more. 

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2 days ago, I applied for Puuung's Happy Mail Club for the month of June. It's a snail mail containing a new piece of her art every month and some of her existing ones through out the years. I was so pleasantly surprised knowing she just started doing this and never have I felt this giddy over anything in a while! Puuung is sentimental and symbolic for me as she is the very first artist whom I bought an artbook from. It also marked the time when I was already comfortable enough to splurge on a "want" rather than on a "need". I missed the first batch which was just last month but very much looking forward for the one this June (*´▽`*)

stressed

icon: innis

music: Tú - maye | Walk away - Mina Okabe

I've noticed I've been easily tired in the evenings these past few days - and I'm wondering if its just due to how things are at work recently or because of the regular sugar spike post dinner; bit of both, or is it the former? I've been napping a lot too on the sofa and waking up at around midnight or at 1, or even at 2am-ish.

I do feel what happened at work had really taken a toll on me mentally. This week, I was mostly feeling alright but I'd start being so irritated and angry (on the inside) whenever I get a glance of the person or when speaking to a fellow colleague that has similar qualms about that controversial colleague of ours. I hate how this person is bringing so much discord, disparity and hatred towards such a good place to work at; and more importantly, I despise how much it affects me.

I have been trying to let things go, to feel better after what she's done - and I know I've been struggling as things are still very recent (just a week), but damn is it very tiring to be always angry! 

I was meaning to talk more to management but partly in truth, I think they already know what's going on as there has been another complaint raised about this person from another colleague 2 days ago.

It would have been easier if she can just be extricated, but unfortunately it is not permissible or legal. Attitudinal problems doesn't get you in trouble here. Mind you, not only is she disrespectful or have a problematic attitude, but is also slow on the uptake considering how long she has already been and despite the repetitive nature of our tasks. Thus us needing to double check on the work she's done and more. Oh don't get me started with her not being considerate and not having the initiative.

I just really want to air this out once and for all. To be gone from my system because this is not healthy and I'm starting to hate the person I'm becoming just because of this person.

I understand though that this matter is now out of my hands and that all I can do is to focus in my own actions, thoughts and reactions - to take things a stride. 

annoyed

icon: jaizea

music: none

 

I am on a fence whether to write down bout what happened in the past 2 days just because it has been so exhausting. We get to meet different people from all walks of life but I cannot imagine encountering one in my profession to be this emotionally erratic and perhaps mentally unstable. 

Long story short is that I was accused of bullying and assault. That person had so much way with her words that she obviously has taken the attention of many. Funny tho she doesn't really know the definition of bullying - that it requires to be a repeated intentional harm, which did not happen based from her narrative.  Her story was mainly "I", "I", "I" - it was so emotionally driven but logically empty. She wants to prove a point because she was made to feel that way and I was in the wrong for making her feel that way. She refused to hear my side of the story and shakes her head and yells like a child in disagreement. She is so guarded, so emotionally prickly that she believes in her own delusions thus the accusation for assault. It's crazy how management is tolerating this kind of a behaviour and this person considering it is not an isolated case due to all the discord she has done within the company. 

As a person who works in a medical field, I've always strive to maintain a professional image and relationship may it be with colleagues or patients. So I just couldn't fathom the amount of lies and delusion she has come up from the time we've worked together till recently. It is just so mind-boggling to have a colleague in this field like her. Just how is this being tolerated? I'd take a critic or complaint but not coming from a person who is not in the right frame of mind! 

1st ever pay day!! 

Last night at around 9:10 hospital called for me to report for duty for the 11pm-7am shift. I most certainly have no right to decline since I am on "on-call" status and agreed to go. I rushed in preparing myself for duty and tried to leave as early as I can for safety purposes since its already late at night.

Actually I was pulled out from my station or unit (Carmel) to another (Medal). So I was really quite anxious and frantic on how it'll gonna be and if the people I'll be working with are kind enough to their juniors.

Making the whole story short, they were certainly one of the best people I've worked with on the hospital and aside from the good experiences, there were also unexpected things that happened...One of the patients assigned to me expired on our shift...

He was a good and cooperative patient. I was even able to give his due medicine this early in the morning and remembered him thanking me for it. But 2 hours after, when it was finally time to give him his due medicines, there it happened. We tried our best to revive the patient but it was futile

People from the station kinda labeled me the it was my baptism to that kind of experience for it was truly my 1st time. But despite the happenings I am very much thankful for how the senior nurses treated me and made me feel very much welcome. They didn't left me alone to handle the situation but guided me through it. I am truly touched by their hospitality and sense of camaraderie as fellow colleagues.

I just wish I had provided more comfort to the relative at that time for it was only him who was looking out for the patient... Will do pray for my patient's soul and that he'll find eternal peace.

P.S. I still haven't wrote my tragically heartbreaking 1st duty as an on-call in the hospital. Might never write the whole thing anymore but I certainly learned from there that you need to stand back up and show people that you could overcome difficulties, move on, and grow.