Neko

lonely

icon: nerawareta gakuen
music: AKMU

Hey! Its been a long while... almost 7 months? I apologize in advance how this post is going to be another of those sad rants since there's no way to go storytell it out but here. Everything has been good. Several ups and downs but has been okay and was resolvable.

Have you ever wondered how couples can't go back to a point to start from square 1? Disregarding faults and injuries committed during the entire relationship? I have. And asked why not? But now I somehow, partly understand why. Coming all clean and holding free of grudges is a tough & courageous thing to do.

I am at the point now where I could be propelled to a better working environment/ career. but doing so, I would have to leave someone behind. With my entire stay on the institution, I came to fairly or near to deeply hate my work. Primary reasons are; that it takes much time, it takes away my precious time for rest, laxing and most importantly, the time for "us."

So now I'm pressured and my mind's been forcing the idea of us spending the most of our time together while we still can. What hurts me the most is that when I get home, we'd only have a small chat from time to time then he'd be busy with something else. I don't want to demand for too much attention since there's nothing really interesting to do in doing so. My life's routine now is pale and nothing much new to share.

In something he's been busy with is something we both share. But now since working I had a lot of catching up to do and considering my PC's limitation, therefore not enjoying it to its full extent. But even with those, I try to strive and train. I want to catch up. I want to do well. I want to do well with everyone else.  I wanted to spend time with him in it. Its fine if he's preoccupied with it but at least reply to messages. A reply doesn't take much or notify that its impossible to talk at the moment and not leave you hanging. Not that I even talk a lot to begin with. We even seldom be in it together now.

Right now, I'm racing against time. And with how its been lately, it feels like that something else is much more important than for our time to be spent together. I don't want him to quit but be at least be conscious of the few hours we can only actually spend time together within a day.

Now I'm thinking whether I should start to move on. Start to get busy and work on my life and future rather than waiting and delaying it.

Labels: future, life, love